A Life Story by Mary Nash

 

I was 47 years old before I was willing to surrender my life of pain. I was so tired of carrying around the weight of physical, emotional and sexual abuse - alone. Through hard emotional work, prayer and choosing to accept the promises of God, I finally gave everything about me to God. The relief was beyond measure as I realized God loved me just the way I was. Jude 24 became a watch word for me, "To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy." I understood that Jesus would present me to God as a spotless lamb, but it was difficult for me to accept His love. I had to overcome years of feeling that I was a dirty, worthless person who could not be loved by anyone, much less God.

 

As the youngest of fourteen children, I was unwanted. Several times, my mother tried to harm me physically and by the age of six, I was already a wounded soul. Life had been difficult from birth but it suddenly got worse when my mother brought home a man that abused me sexually – for four years. My sense of worthlessness was complete.

 

 

When I was thirteen, God sent two women into my life with the good news that someone loved me just as I was. I felt drawn to their church where I discovered Christian people who really cared about me and a God who loved me. When I asked Jesus to be the Lord of my life, my thoughts and actions slowly changed and I grew in Him. Still, I never told anyone about the abuse I had lived with for so long. Instead, I stuffed it down and tried to forget it.

 

 

After finishing college, I married a wonderful man, had two great kids and surrounded myself with Christian friends. Psalms 27:10 became an important promise to me, "When my mother and father forsake me, God will take me up." But I couldn’t forget the years of abuse from my mother and her boyfriend. The need to be a spiritually healthy mother and wife, as well as the hope that recovery was possible, drove me to see a Christian counselor. He was a kind, caring man but I was still unable to talk about my abuse. I was ready to give up but God works in wondrous ways on behalf of His children.

 

 

One day, my counselor added a water color to his office. It bore a striking resemblance to the home where I grew up. That single picture opened the floodgates and all my past hurts came pouring out. For the first time in my life, I was able to talk about my pain. It didn't happen overnight but slowly I was able to accept that little girl of long ago and understand that she was a beautiful child of God. For the first time, I realized that God had a purpose for me, a purpose that began to unfold when my counselor encouraged me to assist him with a support group for women who had been sexually abused as children. That first group was as difficult for me as it was for the other participants, but God used it as a catalyst of healing in my life. Since then, I facilitated many groups, helping women of all ages come to terms with their own abuse while leading them to understand how much God loves them. Just sharing and talking has incredible healing power. It takes the terrible sting out of the problem and gives great freedom to the soul as the secrets become less important.

 

 

God recently revealed another purpose for my life as He directed me to a program for children who have been sexually abused and removed from their homes for their own protection. Telling my story to these children and allowing them to question me brings a sense of completeness and great joy to my life. Every time I visit them, I am reminded of how secretive I was as a child and how I never wanted anyone to know about my home life. Encouraging them to talk about their problems, think about the possibilities for their future and risk letting God into their lives is the most important thing I can do for them.

 

 

My home church recently ordained me as a Chaplain with Youth for Christ. I now have a prison ministry in the Juvenile Division of Dade and Broward County Florida that allows me to teach weekly Bible studies to girls who have been hurt and abused in their own homes. Consequently, some are hardened and need immediate intervention if they are to change the direction of their life. It is good for them to hear the stories of others who were hurt and going down a wrong road when God changed their lives. Almost every girl I have talked with has expressed her need for God and surrendered her life to Him. Prayer warriors pray for these girls to keep their commitment when they return to the same homes, schools, and friends who were part of their old lives.

 

 

None of this would be possible without people who care. The women who came to me as a teen changed my life. Now, other women help me carry out God’s plan of changing lives. I could do nothing without their love, prayers and physical presence in working with these young women.

 

 

I never dreamed God would take my broken soul, make me whole and use all the bad in my life for good. My purpose is still unfolding, one day at a time. I have learned never to be surprised by what God asks me to do. I just want to be God's woman doing God's work wherever and whenever He calls.